Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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