...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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