; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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