So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
