i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
