Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
