Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
