its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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