Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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