I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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