HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
