I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
