I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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