i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
