Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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