Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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