Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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