we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize