I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
