I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
