She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
