The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
