im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
