You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
