how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
