I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
