Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize