Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
