A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
