Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He passed out mid-signature
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
