He kissed a someone with a penis
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
