bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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