FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
