just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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