I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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