You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
