whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
