Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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