dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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