Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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