I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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