'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
