sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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