Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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