I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
