so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
