you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
