So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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