I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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