If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize