and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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