Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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