it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
