Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
