All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
