just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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