does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
