Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
