I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I intend to get homeless drunk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
