Who wears a wallet chain?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
