Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
