so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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