i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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