Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
