not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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